|The Mage Sister||
This is Jeanne Bradford, reporting live from Oz. We survived the storm last night, and what a storm it was! Wind, torrential rain, almost continuous thunder and lightning with intermittent flying monkeys. It was brutal! Lost power several times, and the monkeys kept trying to pull the shingles off the porch roof.
At first I tried poking at them with a broom handle to try and motivate them to move on, but they weren’t having any of it. I tried hitting them with the broom handle, but the rude little beggers just yanked it out of my hand and hit me back! I ask you!
I’m not sure, but don’t think my home owner’s insurance covers flying monkey’s pulling shingles off the roof so, out of desperation, I threw a handful of Charlie’s kibble at them. Funnily enough, that worked! It distracted them long enough for the wind to catch them and blow them away. Yay!
But then the little blackguards ganged up together and picked my house up and flew off with it! With me and Charlie inside! Charlie was barking his head off. I was running from window to window shaking my fist and yelling at them to put it down. But they didn’t listen; they didn’t care. It wasn’t their house they were vandalizing!
Inconsiderate flying monkeys! Thoughtless! Just thoughtless! And I know for sure that my home owner’s insurance doesn’t cover relocation to alternate dimension by flying monkeys. Can you imagine the premium on that??? It would be worse than flood insurance!
Now Charlie and I have to figure out how to get back home. I expected a bunch of friendly, helpful munchkins and maybe a good witch or two might be willing to offer me some sound advice, like follow the yellow brick road or something. Nope. The ‘yellow brick road’ is just asphalt. One grumpy guy who clearly hadn’t had his coffee yet asked me if I’d ever tried to drive on a bright yellow road in the morning sun before, and had I any idea the headaches and accidents that could cause. I said I hadn’t thought about it that way and he said some quite rude things.
So here Charlie and I stand, stranded in Oz. If anyone out there has a transdimensional vehicle capable of transporting a house, an annoyed homeowner and a very tired and confused pup back to where they belong, PLEASE email me.
In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have pissed off the flying monkeys. What’s a few shingles?