It’s been pretty dad gum HOT lately! How hot has it been, you may ask? OK, yeah, I know that you probably wouldn’t ask and couldn’t care less, but this is Whopper Friday, so just go with it, okay?!?
Whoa! Sorry! The heat is making me a little testy, I guess!
IT’ S SO HOT THAT…
- The corn is popping right out in the fields! It looks like there was a blizzard. A HOT blizzard.
- Hell called to complain. They said they’re closing their doors because we’re letting too much heat in. Big babies.
- I had to special order size 97 shoes, because all the fat in my body melted and ran down to my feet. No, seriously! The only size 97 shoes I could find were clown shoes! I’m going to have to stand on my head for HOURS to get it all to go back to where it’s supposed to be!
- People are carrying their pets around everywhere because the ground is too hot for their poor little feet. I saw a guy toting around an English Mastiff just this morning! He just had him slung over his shoulder. The dog was having a great time, but the poor guy could barely stand. He was just staggering around while the dog just grinned and drooled down his back.
- The county put out an emergency message. DROUGHT CONDITIONS: No burning, no fireworks, no watering the lawn, no washing the car, no filling swimming pools, no playing in the sprinkler, no laughing, no jumping, no breathing! And stop making that face, your pissing us off!
- Air conditioners are going on strike.
- Bar fights aren’t breaking out because it’s too hot to bother with kicking that guy’s @$$ because of what he said about the other guy’s wife. “I’m gonna tear you up when it gits under a hunerd!” they’re muttering.
- The governor is discussing a measure to relocate the state to the West Coast so we can all play in the ocean. The West Coast said, “Bugger off!”, but he’s appealing to congress. Surely, there’s a few yards of coastline between Oregon and California that aren’t being used for anything!
Yeah, everyone is a tad cranky. But hey, it can’t last forever, can it?
Well, in case you’re caught in this mean old heatwave, too, one of my docs sent me a little clip this morning to help cool us all off. Enjoy!