|The Mage Sister||
Tonight I’m going to a gold party at a friend’s house. It’s where one of your friends or acquaintances hosts a party for their friends to bring their unwanted gold and sell it. I mean, presumably you do know people who invite you to functions – you wouldn’t expect an invitation to arrive in your mailbox from a random person in your town whom you’ve never met. It’s just not done.
I honestly have no idea what to expect. What sort of people will be showing up to this thing? Who has scads of gold just languishing in their cellars to make an event like this worthwhile? Hmmmm… thinks Jeannie. I wonder. Here’s how I see it going…
Arrival #1: Minerva Gottrauchs, ex-movie star fallen on hard times, forced to relocate to her family’s old falling down farmhouse deep in the Midwest, surreptitiously arrives heavily swathed with a moth eaten faux mink and dark glasses in a wheezing 87 Chevette that has seen better days, looking to hock some of her less cherished baubles.
Arrival #2: The Lucky Charms guy. The economy has been tough on breakfast cereal icons, what with the health food craze and all, and he’s lost most of his lucky charms on bad wagers, having developed a vicious gambling habit. Fortunately, he has an extra pot o’ gold stashed away for just such an occasion. Unfortunately, he plans to bet the whole pot on Whackamole in the second race at Fairfield Downs tomorrow. He’s been assured it’s a sure thing.
Arrival #3: Scrooge McDuck. Cuz if there’s gold, he’s gonna be there.
Arrival #4: Captain Hook - He’s decided to sell his solid gold hook hand to hire an assassin from the Ankh-Morpork Assansin’s Guild (one of the most vicious assassin’s guilds around, as everybody knows) who will finally rid him of that pest, Pan, once and for all.
Arrival #5: Aladdin and his 40 Thieves, in which case, no one will have anything left when they leave, because the thieves will have swiped it all.
Arrival #6: The Miner, 49-er. This guy’s going to make a pest of himself running around grabbing all the gold in the room and shrieking “Eureka!” while hitting everyone with a pickaxe. I suggest we lock the door when we see him coming.
Arrival #7: Paris and Helen of Troy, looking to trade in the apple that started it all. Who knew Sparta was gonna be so chintzy and present them with a bill for damages? How’s a new couple s’posed to set up housekeeping while paying for a major war?
Arrival #8: Robin Hood – hey, this dude is BAD NEWS! We shouldn’t allow him anywhere near our party, because you know he and the forty thieves are gonna end up dukin’ it out over all that gold, and he’s gonna be all “But it’s for the poor!” (yeah, right!), and then the cops are gonna show up and before you know it, we’re all having to call our nearest and dearest to bail us out of the pokey. Let’s hope Mr. Hood has somewhere else to be tonight!
Arrival #9: Smaug. Yeah, if Smaug shows up, he can have all the gold. Heck, he can take all the cheez doodles, too. Let the guy have whatever he wants.
Arrival #10: Jed Clampett, and probably the whole Clampett clan. That black gold done dried up and now they’re gonna try to trade in Granny’s gold fillings to put some gas in that old jalopy to get them back to the ol’ shack in the woods.
Arrival #11: Richie Rich – he needs to sell the few trinkets that his Dad’s accountant didn’t run off to Bermuda with.
Well, with a guest list like that, it should be an interesting evening. Don’tcha think?