Nathan Why the long face, you old goat?
Cristov Nathan. Oh, joyful day. Just the thing to cheer me up.
Nathan Well, you don’t have to be rude about it.
Cristov Sorry. Just the newer boys getting up to mischief and making me feel my age.
Nathan Look on the bright side – if we were the least bit mortal, you’d knock their blocks off and then I’d have to have you executed for intentional mischief.
Cristov Oh, as if you’ve ever executed anyone for intentional mischief.
Nathan Have so!
Nathan Just last week. Ooh, it was awful. Yes. Did it myself, in fact. First I skewered his feet and then I put him on the rack. That lasted through tea, then he spent the rest of the afternoon in an iron maiden – yeah! Nasty that! And then I had him beheaded! I didn’t want to watch because it was icky, all guts falling out and stuff. So I had Catherine do it!
Catherine I did no such thing!
Nathan Don’t interrupt! Then for good measure, I had him drawn and quartered.
Catherine And his guts didn't fall out then?
Nathan He'd already been beheaded! How many guts do you think he has?
Cristov Really. And what was this mischief that deserved such a brutal punishment?
Nathan Brutal! No such thing! I ask you. You're much too soft. Oh, right... he… um… he was rude. Yes, yes, very rude.
Cristov How was he rude?
Nathan Well, I don’t know! He, uh… he stuck his tongue out at my statue in the square. Can’t have that, now can we? Before you know it, everyone would go round sticking their tongue out and then where would we be? You couldn’t have a conversation without someone spitting all over you. Ew! Just disgusting! Best to nip it in the bud. That’s the best thing, I think.
Cristov Go away, Nathan.
Nathan Well, I say! How rude.
Cullen Maybe you should have him drawn and quartered.
Nathan Yes, well... I'll let it pass this time. Gotta give a fellow a chance to do right once in a while, don't you know? Besides, can't have two drawing and quarterings in a week or I'll get a reputation!
Nathan On the other hand, have I invited you down to the dungeon lately? I have something I'd like to show you.
Cullen Oooh! I'm so scared.
Nathan You should be!
Catherine How many times do I have to tell you, Nathan? The dungeon is in a tower! It isn't down anywhere! You've never even been up there, have you?
Nathan Quiet, woman! I'm trying to be intimidating.
Catherine Oh, you are, darling. ***snerk***
Nathan Shut up....