Nathan Why do you ask that every year?
The Mage Sister Well, I’m just trying to show interest in what you’re doing, you old grump!
Catherine Don’t mind him. He was a sour puss the whole day.
Nathan Maybe I wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t screamed in my ear at the break of dawn, then spent all morning following me around screeching like a harpy.
Catherine That’s known as speaking, Nathan.
Nathan Sounded more like nagging to me!
Catherine Maybe it wouldn’t have sounded like screeching if you hadn’t gotten plowed at the Buck and Fowl the night before.
Nathan I did not get plowed.
The Mage Sister Sooooo… Jahx! Well done! I hear Vespith swept the Junior Joust!
Jahx Yes, they sure did. We’re very proud of our boys – they worked very hard.
Arinda Yes, they did. Even if we did have a few mishaps.
Jahx Now, Rinda. We put it back to rights once the stove stopped running around the grounds, and the cook isn’t pressing charges so… no harm done.
Nathan Charges? What charges? What’s all this about pressing charges?
Arinda It was breathing fire, Jahx! It could have burned the place down!
Nathan Fire! Hold on now, why haven’t I been informed about this?
Jahx That is why I built the magicker’s school out of the finest stone, Rinda. Sparks do get up to mischief. Best to be prepared.
Nathan What’s all this about fire and charges, Jahx? I insist you tell me at once.
Catherine They did tell you, darling. But you were hung over at the time.
Nathan I DID NOT GET PLOWED!!!
Arinda I did think that was a rather interesting… er… cologne you were wearing that day.
Jahx Yeah, something like eau de rotten ale, stinky cheese and garlic?
Nathan What are you insinuating?
Jahx You stank.
Nathan Well, I never! I’ll have you know that was very expensive cologne that Catherine gave me for my birthday. Clearly, you just don’t appreciate the finer things in life.
Catherine Clearly, you didn’t appreciate the fact that I kept having the water spout visit you.
Nathan You told them to keep spraying me? I’ll have you know water got up my nose, Catherine! I could have drowned! I could have choked to death!
Catherine I’m just not that lucky, darling.
It's been a scorcher of a day in Rowan Capital - nothing unusual for the Annual King's Festival. King Nathan den Rowan is rumored to have been born on the hottest day of the year. Our reigning monarch is also known for a hot temper and a penchant for throwing violent storms. Sheesh, Your Grace, I don't think anyone would have minded a few sprinkles today!
I would wish our beloved King a Happy Birthday, however he threatened me with nine days in the stocks if I mentioned a word about, so... never mind.
Still, despite the heat, the King's Festival was a resounding success. Mistress Adeline Piety took top honors in the Annual Delicacy Bake Off, judged by Her Highness, Queen Catherine, with her 'Piety's Perfectly Plummy Raspberry Peachy Puffs'. Although Mr. Bredstock, Mrs. Piety's long time rival, was a bit of a poor sport about it, claiming first that Mrs. Piety cheated, and then that the contest was fixed, until King Nathan was forced to 'have a word with him' for insulting the queen, Mrs. Piety's victory for the fourth year in a row was well celebrated and certainly deserved.
Yours truly bought half a dozen of the winning puffs and I hold absolutely no shame in telling you they didn't make it through the brilliant display of fireworks put on by the Fire Magickers Guild... and I didn't share.
Not to be forgotten, the Magicker's Joust was a thrilling event, as usual. This year, Zekial Tanner and Georgie Littel of Vespith Academy swept up the Junior Joust, while Grace Academy took top honors in both levels of the Senior Joust with Aeron Ballaster taking the lower level and Nicholas Dent capturing the King's Cup, by overwhelming his opponent with his army of trees. They were most intimidating, I don't mind telling you! I may never sit under an apple tree again.
Headmaster Allondo VonBhelded of Rillian Magicker's College, said, "All the boys worked very hard this year and I believe they all deserve top honors. The Joust, particularly the Senior level, is not only based on skill, but also on being able to think quickly and also more than a little luck. I think Grace performed admirably and they deserve the cups."
Headmaster Markus Lender of Grace Academy was quoted as saying "PPHBBBBTTTT!!! Too right we do! Better luck next year, Bheldy!"
Better luck, indeed.
Catherine Snow? SNOW!!???!! Nathan, what are you doing?!?!
Nathan I'm not doing anything, you insane harpy. Why are you screeching at me?
Catherine Don't you dare make it snow for your birthday, or I'll... well, you'll wake up with part of you somewhere else!
Nathan I'm not doing anything! And if I want it to snow for my birthday, I'll damn well make it snow!
Cristov You'll do no such thing, Nathan! The very idea! Have you any idea how much work and planning goes into the Festival every year?
Nathan I never said I was going to do anything of the sort!
Cristov Don't make me come down there.
Nathan I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING!!!
Catherine Yes, well, you just keep that in mind, mister.
Nathan I don't know any of you. Please get out of my castle!
Catherine OOOOoooh!! YOU'RE castle, is it? Well then, #$dfapo afowehifhoisd ;ohs;ihasid aohsdioahg h;ioa hha hg ihawoiaiho;awhiioh aw;ohgao;dhohsdih;shvihosihvohfoivh ;iodh vIHdsdiovh OSDIh vISHDoHSDOVHuod shouhV SUDHVO shdo;hsih dohVOho hsio hfh%^&s*(*9...
Cullen What'd you do to her, Nathan? She's speaking in tongues.
Nathan No idea. She's clearly run mad. She thinks it's snowing outside!
Cullen Tch tch tch... Maybe we should give her some 'alone time'. May I suggest celebrating your birthday with a pint at the Buck? My treat.
Nathan Damn decent of you!
Cullen But of course!
Catherine DON'T YOU DARE! NATHAN DEN ROWAN YOU GET BACK HERE!!! DON'T YOU DARE GET PLOWED THE NIGHT BEFORE THE FESTIVAL!!!
Cristov They're gone, you know. May as well save your breath.
Catherine Oh! Aggravating man!
Cristov Might I suggest saving your tirade for morning. After a night of drinking at the Buck and Fowl, I'm certain your volume will have the desired effect of revenge - a dish best served cold.
Catherine Cristov MacCuin, you evil man. I do like the way you think.
Cristov I live to serve, madam.
NOTICE: Come One, Come All to the Annual King's Festival, Beginnning Sunrise, Midweek, 18th Day of Summersont
The King's Festival is just two days away, and will be held as usual on the lawn at Rowan Castle in Rowan Capital City. This annual event, held to celebrate the birth of our beloved King Nathan, will feature something to please everyone. There will be vendors selling all manner of goods, food, and fun.
As it is unusually hot this year, Lak Albatros, the watershed off the Storklu-Magni, better known as 'the puddle', has been prepared to accommodate cooling baths. His Grace has arranged for several water mages to provide water spouts and fountains out of the Lak throughout the day to provide a 'cooling mist' on guests in the nearby vicinity, and, of course, healers will be on hand at all times during the day for guests suffering from overheating.
Other events will feature the Annual Delicacy Bake Off in which Mrs Piety's Incredible Berry Scrumpets have won first place in for the last three years. When asked if she plans to enter them again this year, Mrs Piety indicated that while her delicious scrumpets will be available for purchase at her booth, she has a new delicacy for the contest this year. She would not further elaborate on the details of her new creation, but promised it's sure to be a winner. Mrs Piety has for many years been triumphant in competition against Mr Bredstock, of Bredstock Bakes, a long time fierce rival. Mr Brestock vows that this year he will be triumphant and will 'crush the impudent wench' for sure. Good luck to all competitors!
And, of course, let's not forget the Annual Magicker's Joust, which will begin precisely at midmorn before it get's too hot and King Nathan hides his crown and tries to scarper off. Thank goodness our beloved Queen Catherine is well-practiced at reigning in our Reigning Monarch! At last year's Joust, Rory DenVorst of Rillian Magicker's College won the day in the Senior Joust, while Grace Academy took top honors in the Junior Joust, and Vespith Academy bested the Senior Joust, Lower level. Vespith Academy has been notoriously reluctant to participate in the Senior Levels of the Joust, and their entry in last years games came as quite a surprise to Joust sponsors.
When asked about this, Headmaster Jahx Rife had this to say, "I like to support my boys in whatever endeavors they are interested in, except ones that are likely to kill them. The Senior Joust has been a notoriously risky event, and I do my best to discourage them from playing. However, Gunnar is stubbornly optimistic, and short of refusing to sign off on his entry, there is little I can to do prevent his participation. Sometimes the only way to teach a fool is to let him have his own way."
Although Gunnar did win the day in the Lower Level, he did come away with a broken nose and a few missing digits. These are fairly minor injuries, however, and were easily mended. When asked if Vespith will routinely sponsor magickers for the Senior Joust from this point forward, Headmaster Rife replied emphatically, "Absolutely not! This was a one-off!"
Of his experience in the Joust, Mr Flith had this to say, "It was a great experience, and I'm grateful to Headmaster for allowing me to play. But I now understand exactly why he discourages us boys from participating. The Senior games are brutal, and it took every ounce of strength and ingenuity I had to win. Plus losing fingers hurts quite a lot. It was hard to enjoy winning the Junior Cup, because I really was focusing on trying not to pass out as they presented it to me." When asked if he plans to defend his cup, Gunnar replied, "Absolutely not! This was a one-off! Besides, I'd never get Headmaster to sign off on the entry again."
Festivities begin early, just after sunrise, with a procession from Market Square to the Castle lawn, followed by a dedication by Lord Eliot Bombastic of Brimstic in the pavilion by Lak Albatros.
Jahx There’s nothing funny about spells! What are you talking about? Spellwork is to be taken seriously or there could be dire consequences.
Nathan Like the time Rinda set my hair of fire?
Arinda That wasn’t my fault!
Nathan Oh, indeed? How was it not your fault, missy?
Arinda … … …
Nathan I’m waiting.
Arinda Well, you can keep waiting, because I’m not speaking to you.
Nathan I call that convenient. Just like a woman!
Catherine And just what is that supposed to mean!?!
Nathan No one was talking to you, harpy! Mind your own business!
Catherine Excuse me?
Catherine Come again?
Nathan I… uh… I’m not speaking to you. Ha!
Catherine What’d you say!
Jahx So… Arinda, how exactly did you set Nathan’s hair on fire?
Arinda … … …
Arinda … … …
Nathan It was during her training. She lost control of a spell, despite the fact that I kept telling her to FOCUS, which she WOULD NOT DO! So she started DAYDREAMING, like she does, and lost control of her spell, which then turned into pure, uncontrolled magick that went flying uncontrollably around… the… room… … … what is that? Rinda, what are you doing?
Jahx Arinda! Stop... OW! Hey!!! Stop it!!!
Nathan Stop that now, young lady! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Jahx Nathan, your hair!!!
Nathan GAH! ARINDA!!!
Jahx Hold still, Nathan!
Nathan BLAHGGG!!! What’d you do that for? I’m soaked!
Jahx I was just trying to put out your hair, or did you want to be burned at the stake?
Arinda Could you be a bigger drama queen? Good grief!
Catherine What a fuss you two are making. Honestly!
Arinda I know! You had to know how Nathan’s hair got set afire.
Jahx So you thought you’d show me??? REALLY????
Arinda Hey, it got you all to stop harping on about it!
Nathan NOT FUNNY, Arinda!
Catherine I got a laugh out of it!
Nathan No one asked you, Catherine!