Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop. ~Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland
Thor Donogan But what if I want a sandwich on the way. I might get hungry.
Nathan Den Rowan Um… eat one?
Thor Donogan But there aren’t any sandwich instructions in there.
Nathan Den Rowan Does it REALLY need to say ‘Begin at the beginning, go for a little way, have a sandwich, go again till you come to the end…etc? REALLY???
Thor Donogan Well, yes! If you’re issuing instructions they should be accurate.
Nathan Den Rowan …. ….. …. You’re a git.
Nathan Do you think if we all loved Sebastien enough, he’d get pissed off and go away.
Cullen Probably not. He’d get mad and try to roast you.
Sebastien du Chanz Why don't you *censored* *censored* *censored*, you *censored* *censored*, Nathan, and shut the *censored* *censored* up! You can *censored* *censored*, for all I *censored* care!
The Mage Sister Not kidding, Sebastien!!! Stop cussing people out on here, or you're going to be banned.
Sebastien OH PLEASE, make my *censored* day! Go ahead you *censored* witch! I *censored* dare you.
The Mage Sister Nice man. Really.
Cullen Okay. Moving on.
The Mage Sister Sigh. You know, Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” Maybe that’s all that Sebastien needs, is for you to get know him better.
Nathan This Lincoln chap sounds a bit of a dafnit.
The Mage Sister Nathan! He was a very wise man!
Nathan Not very if he's hanging around the likes of Sebastien! Besides, if you don’t like someone, chances are there’s a reason why!
The Mage Sister Rrrr! He wasn't talking about Sebastien, ya dafnit!
Nathan Then why bring him up!?!
Cullen Nathan is the dafnit! He doesn’t think past his own nose! If nothing else, whatever happened to keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Nathan My enemies tend to smell, so the last thing I want to do is keep them close, much less clos-ER. Throw ‘em in the dungeon – then the smell won’t bother anyone.
Cullen Well, you just proved my point.
Arinda You never throw anyone in the dungeon, Nathan! You always say the dungeon is too messy for visitors at present.
Nathan Have you been down there? Do you know?
Catherine There is no one in the dungeon.
Nathan How do you know, Kitty? You haven’t been down there either.
Catherine Evidently, neither have you! The dungeon isn’t DOWN. It’s UP – it’s a TOWER and it’s clear over in town! In your Dad’s time, they used to throw people off the parapet into the street.
Nathan Ew! Catherine! That is totally uncivilized. Really! The very idea! That would make an enormous mess… someone would have to clean it up, and it would be disgusting! I’m not doing that!
Catherine Right. Love that ‘dungeon’, don’t you Nathan?
Nathan I never said I actually used it. I just said it was there… somewhere… wherever it is.
If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ~Oscar Wilde
Nathan What about the things you don’t want but get anyway?
Cullen And the stuff that gets left behind the settee after a party?
Nathan Yeah! And the stuff you don’t want that the charity shops won’t take?
Jahx Yes, like that hideous vase Rinda's mother gave us.
Jahx Just saying!
Simon And the stuff you’re not supposed to have but nobody will take it off your hands cuz they don’t know what to do with it?
Nathan Yeah! What about that... Wait! What do you have that you're not supposed to have, Simon!
Nathan Simon! Better not be what I think it is!
Simon No idea what you might be referring to.
Arinda Sigh. You guys are just too much work.
Catherine You can say that again.
Nathan You’re just jealous of all the stuff we have and you don't!
Arinda Right. That’s it. We’re jealous of your stuff. Weirdos.
Catherine I’m not. I'd like to know if there is anyone who can take THEM off our hands?
Nathan HEY!!! That wasn't very nice!
Catherine That's my job, Nathan.
Catherine You can do that?
Nathan Don’t get any ideas, woman!
Arinda First you’d have to get Nathan to dig the hole, though. I’m mean, he’s awfully tall, and that would be a lot of work.
Catherine I'd also have to have someone else to bury him again, because that’s a lot of work, too.
Nathan You two are NOT funny.
Arinda I suppose we could do the burying part together – you know, half the work.
Catherine You’d do that for me? You’re so sweet!
Arinda Of course! Then you wouldn’t have to risk paying someone to keep it to themselves.
Catherine That's a very good point. Good thinking!
Nathan Yeah? Well, how are you going to get us to go to sleep. You can't MAKE me go to sleep.
Arinda Cullen will give us something to put in your tea!
Jahx Arinda, I think that’ll do.
Cullen Sure! Why not! I’ll even help you bury them.
Jahx Really, Cullen? Don't encourage them.
Arinda AW! Thanks Cullen!
Cullen Don’t mention it!
Arinda I won’t if you won’t!
Nathan HILARIOUS! You lot are hilarious.
Catherine Oh Nathan, I’ve been meaning to ask. I have a lovely new specimen tree for the garden. Beautiful flowers! Would you mind digging the hole for it? The poor gardener put his back out.
Nathan There’s that buzzing sound again. I think I have a nasty infestation of the flying spouse. Anyone know a good exterminator?
Jahx The flying spouse? You don’t say! I understand they can be quite annoying.
Nathan Indeed! They have a sharp drone, and they whiz around your head on brooms! Plus their poisonous sting can bring a fully grown man to his knees.
Catherine Funny. Where’s my shovel?
Simon If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Nathan If I compliment a woman’s hair, but she only speaks Chilharian, would she be flattered?
Catherine Why are you complimenting some woman, Nathan? You never compliment my hair! Who is this woman with the stunning hair, anyway, you jerk?!?
Nathan If a wife screams at her husband and he sticks his fingers in his ears… la, la, la, la, la, la…
Jahx You can say that again! I have the hardest time keeping them from burning down the school , and those are the ones who AREN’t neglected!
Arinda It’s true – sparks are a curious bunch, aren’t they?
Alech Got a problem with us, Rinda?
Arinda Of course not, Alech! But you’ve said yourself that your boys’ll get up to no good if you don’t keep a close eye on them.
Alech That’s true enough. Weird sense of humor, sparks.
Arinda Fire magickers do make things interesting, but to be honest, I’m glad we didn’t get any new ones this year. We’ve got our hands full with the ones we’ve got.
Jahx I have to say I agree, but to be sure, ANY magicker has their own quirks until they're fully trained.
Arinda Yes, like when Marsh kept insisting on telling everyone when they were going to die and how.
Jahx Yeah, I think he elaborated rather more than his 'seeing' allowed. Or how about when Colley blows wind up the girls’ skirts. Funny.
Nathan Snerk! Boys will be boys!
Arinda So what? The girls just have to put up with it? I don’t think so, Nathan!
Nathan TOUCHY!!! Did I say that?
Cullen It’s a compliment, Rinda! Don’t get so wound up!
Arinda Oh, shut up! There’s nothing complimentary about some smart alec boy showing the world your backside without your permission!
Jahx Well, I hope you wouldn’t be giving anyone permission. I’d rather keep the view your backside just between us.
Nathan I’d rather you’d kept that comment to yourself.
Cullen You can say that again.
The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too. - Ellen DeGeneres
Arinda Don’t you start!
Nathan Just sayin’…
Catherine Don’t listen to him – his brain hasn’t been in on anything in centuries. Know why?
Nathan Oh, DO tell.
Catherine Because it went missing years ago.
Arinda Snnnerk! Sorry Nathan.
Nathan Whatever. At least I had one to begin with. When I talk to you, Catherine, I can hear my voice echoing through the vast, vacant caverns of your head.
Catherine No, darling, that’s just reverberation from your own empty pumpkin.
Nathan Evil wench!
Catherine Lumbering halfwit!
Nathan Right behind you.
Arinda Oh, for grief’s sake. That could have been kept to yourself.
Cullen Oh, you should talk! You and Jahx are practically fused together half the time!
Arinda We are not! And certainly not in…
Cullen What? We’re you going to say not in public. Because I beg to differ, missy!
Arinda Jahx is just affectionate, that’s all.
Cullen Affection like that’ll get you arrested in most places!
Arinda Oh, mercy! A squeeze and a peck on the cheek IS shocking behavior. IF you’re the biggest prude in the history of the world!
Jahx He’s just sour because Gwenn would sooner slit his throat than entertain a good snog with him.
Arinda Cut it out Jahx! XoD
Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to. - Josh Billings
Jahx Rife Or here’s a thought – leave the bull alone. He’s dangerous.
Simon Fysher Now that’s just hearsay and nasty rumors. Bulls are people, too!
Nathan Den Rowan No, bulls are bulls and people are people and bulls outweigh people by a helluva lot.
Jahx Rife Exactly.
Cullen Dahrvi Any idea how many healthy, intact people I’ve seen come out of hand-to-hand combat with a bull?
Nathan Den Rowan Why, how many, Cullen?
Jahx Rife How many people have you seen fighting hand-to-hand with a bull, period?
Cullen Dahrvi You’d be surprised the stupid things magickers will dare each other to do.
Simon Fysher You all are just prejudiced, elitist PEOPLE! Down with people! Long live bulls… and other animals.
Arinda Den Rowan-Rife You’re a people as well, Simon.
Jahx Rife Yeah, dafnit! You’re goin’ down with us!
Simon Fysher I’ll have you know, I’m an honorary bull. The bulls accept me as one of their own.
Cullen Dahrvi Riiiiiiiight.
Jahx Rife FULL of bull, maybe…
Nathan Den Rowan Moo, Simon. Moo.
Simon Fysher You’re all just jealous.
Arinda Den Rowan-Rife Or just not weird like you, actually.
Nathan Den Rowan Brava, Madame! Well played!!!
They built a train track over the Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.
Simon um… why?
The Mage Sister Because this website is like those train tracks, and the publisher is the train. I built the website before I had a publisher for the book, but I know that one day, I will.
Simon What does that have to do with trains?
The Mage Sister It’s not about trains.
Simon Then why are we talking about trains?
Nathan Honestly, Simon! Clearly it’s an allegory. What she’s really talking about is snow.
Jahx Not an allegory. It’s a metaphor! And she’s clearly talking about climbing mountains!
Nathan I said allegory and I meant allegory. And it’s not about mountain climbing, it’s about ice and snow.
Cullen I think it’s a simile about trees.
Jahx It’s about the struggle of an uphill climb, and having faith that you’ll make it!
Nathan No, it’s about being left out in the cold and knowing there’ll be a train along any minute!
Cullen No, trees are sharp and pointy! It’s about sharp, pointy trees.
The Mage Sister You guys are weird.
I heard a rumor that the Buck and Fowl – that old tavern down by the wharf that the mages like to hang out in – has been closed. Can this be true?
Simon: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Who would do such a heinous thing? It has to be a lie!
Nathan Den Rowan: I would do such a heinous thing. It’s a firetrap. I had no choice.
Simon: Why? You jerk! Why?
Cristov: It’ll do you all good to stay away from that place for awhile, Simon. You lot only get into trouble hanging around there.
Nathan Den Rowan: Besides, it’s only temporary until they make some improvements. One of the wenches fell right through the railing of the landing over the bar last night. Some dafnit was harassing her – SIMON – and she was trying to avoid him. Splat! Like that, poor dear.
Simon: It’s not like she got hurt, Nathan. We caught her.
Cristov: That’s hardly the point. The place is off limits for the next three months, at least.
Simon: Aw man! Come on!
Cristov: How I was convinced to allow you boys to hang about there in the first place, I’ll never know. But I will have to see some considerable changes in behavior before I’ll remove the restriction this time. Bothering tavern wenches, I ask you Simon!
Nathan: Well, it’s closed for repairs anyway, so I think it’s a moot point. Besides, Cris, I keep an eye on things. There’s no need to worry.
Cristov: Yes, well, who’s keeping an eye on you? It’s unseemly for the king to be seen in such a place anyway! The carousing that goes on there! You lot should be ashamed! Grown mages – some of you more than five hundred years old! You know better!
Nathan Den Rowan: Oh dear, I think I hear Catherine calling me!
Simon: Well, as long as it’s not forever.
Nathan: There’s always the Mad Wench in town, Simon.
Cristov: Now that’s a nice wholesome place. Why can’t you spend time in there?
Simon: Nah! Piety kicked me out, and she won’t let me back in.
Cristov: I always liked that woman.