I got up on the wrong side of the bed this week. Just about everything I start to say turns into a rant of some sort. I can't just say, 'Gee, I'm busy today'. It turns into 'OMG, I'm DROWNING! I can't do this! LEAVE ME ALONE BEFORE I KILL YOU ALL!'
Like that. Well, in my head anyway. I mean, if I said it out loud I'd probably get fired. Or arrested. At the very least, people wouldn't like me anymore.
Of course, it's really damn cold outside and that doesn't help. I recognize five different levels of cold.
- Brrr, it's chilly. (40's)
- Yikes. Who turned off the heat! (30's)
- Gloves. I need gloves.(20's)
- OMG! (10's)
and anything below that is
- Hurry the hell up and chipachop, Charlie! I'm freakin' freezing!
Which I screech so all the neighbors can hear. After all these years, I'm pretty sure they've caught on to the fact that 'chipachop' is our codeword for 'go poop'. So, really, I might as well screech that. But a girl's gotta stay classy, you know.
And it doesn't do any good anyway because when I do that, he looks up at me as if to say, "I beg your pardon. Are you speaking to me, madam? I'll thank you to keep a civil tone." And then he goes back to sniffing around for that elusive, perfect spot.
It was so cold yesterday morning that he only pretended to go chipachop, and then left me a present on the rug when I went to work. Yay.
Then, while at work, someone made me so mad I had to leave the office to eat a burger. I don't eat burgers. If you see me with a burger I didn't make myself, someone's going down. If you see me with fries... run. And if I happen to be clutching a burger, fries and real ice cream shake combo? Go to church because Hellmageddon is imminent.
Okay, so I'm a bit of a stress eater. It's better than robbing banks and beating up old ladies, right?
So yeah, I'm still cranky. But it's Friday, and hopefully I can work out a few kinks over the weekend. I think baking a nice batch of chocolate chip cookies might do the trick. Hey, I'm not going eat them all! Just baking them and having a few is enough. Then I take them to work and ruin everyone else's diet.
And that makes me happy! Bwa ha haha ha ha!!!
Mostly loony, generally harmless. Writer & professional smarty pants. Owned by an exasperated spaniel.